If you are like most married women, the romance in your marriage has its ups and downs as time goes by. As you move together through the many changes that life brings, it is easy to forget to put each other first. If you are ready to win back his attention, first you need to understand what makes him tick.
Here are 5 secrets to getting him to adore you again:
Tip #1: Acknowledge his special value: Every man has a unique attribute, a special type of intelligence, or an area of expertise. You can bet that this is the thing about which your husband feels most proud. Why? Because your husband places a healthy portion of his own self-esteem on this value, silly as that may seem. In fact, most of what he says to you is simply him reminding you in different ways about this special value. By really listening to what he is saying and acknowledging his value directly, you will be amazed at how much he will start opening up to listen to you in return.
Tip #2: Quit making him shut down: Every husband has at least one or two things that make him seem to shut down or close up emotionally. Instead of being dismayed or trying to pry at the root of those things, it is better to let them lie. Learn what his shut-down triggers are and then learn to avoid them. If you are truly concerned about some deep issue he is facing, let him know you are concerned and ask if he would like to talk about it. But, if he does not want to, respect that and move on. Life is too short to always be trying to fix your husband. Avoid his triggers and enjoy happier times together.
Tip #3: Heed his "alone time beacon": Often, when a wife wants more attention from her husband, she will do whatever she can to get it: strike up a conversation, sit near him, or even nag him about being too quiet! During these times, you can bet that your husband is trying to send subtle signals that say "stay away - I need some alone time right now." It is a huge mistake to ignore those signals. Quite to the contrary, the secret to getting him to want to be around you is to actually let him have his alone time. Even encourage it. When you are feeling the need to spend time with him, arrange for a special get-together time after dinner and "invite" him to join you. By setting aside the time in advance, he will likely be much more responsive.
Tip #4: Be crystal clear about your feelings: You know the routine: you are feeling hurt or angry for some reason and you want him to guess your feelings and, even better, approach you about them. For 95% of men, this is just not going to happen. You must give up on this fantasy of wanting him to figure you out. Instead: choose the right time and express to him in a crystal clear way about what is bothering you. Avoid complaining. Rather, your sentence should go like this: "Honey, I am feeling hurt because of [fill in cause]. Is this a good time to talk about it?"
Tip #5: Show confidence in your looks: No discussion of marital relations is complete without mention of the physical side of the relationship. Regardless of the state of your sex life with your husband, being attracted to each other is the basis for any healthy marriage. Here is the formula for success: be confident in your face, your hair, your body and show it. Even on bad hair days, walk, talk, and sit in a way that says, "I am hot. I am attractive. Now, you can take it or leave it." Reason: confidence is extremely attractive to a man and he will adore you all the more for it.
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